[04 Jan 2007|04:59pm] Simply amazing. post comment

[23 Nov 2006|06:44pm] Life is fucking amazing. Promotions and VERY decent pay raises that come with more vacation time on the day before Thanksgiving is fucking amazing. My boss telling me I might have another raise coming if he gets approval isn't so bad either might I add. Eating your heart out on Thanksgiving is fucking amazing. Driving illegally through "private" property on the bay of lake Champlain and sitting on the edge of the lake seeing more stars than you've ever seen in your whole life is fucking amazing....until Jill gets scared because we heard a creepy girls voice, so we peel out blasting Modern Life Is War in one of the most beautiful and peaceful surroundings I've seen in my life, haha. Also amazing. Providence for New years will be amazing. New York to visit Laura, Ally, and Paul soon. Hellz yeah Parrot Bay party! Realizing that not everyone in the burlington "scene" are assholes is fucking amazing. I'm surrounded by some of the most amazing people I've ever known now...well most of the time. There are still some people that aren't so great, but I don't let them get me down. Not letting petty bullshit get to me anymore and seeing life in a new, more grateful and optimistic light is amazing. Not owing money to anyone anymore and only having to worry about "rent" is pretty f-ing sweet too. I have not been this satisfied with every area of my life in longer than I can remember. No mater how great my life has always been, there would always be an area or two that would get me down or stress me out. but now I don't think there are any complaints about my life...other than the fact that I can smell food cooking everywhere and I can't eat it yet. I just want some fucking turkey. I'm going to go raid the kitchen now. I'm glad to see that other people's lives(whom I might miss...amelia) are going great as well. It's an awesome thing to see. post comment

[01 Nov 2006|03:14am] So basically I'm using my new laptop and I'm fuckign addicted to it! Ok, well it's not mine....but it's my family's. I want one of my own so badly! Right now I'm layig in bed and talking to people on AIM while listening to whatever music online...it would be a huge pain in the ass to do that with a regular desktop PC. I wish I didn't stay up this late tonight...I'm definitely going to regret it at work in the morning. word. post comment

[16 Oct 2006|01:50am] Thank you for being honest, you always were. post comment

[11 Oct 2006|05:30pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | mix between This Will Destroy You and Caspian ] I didn't go to work today because I was way too depressed and just didn't want to get out of bed or even be awake. I feel really low today. At least I know it's only up from here...I hope. post comment

[03 Oct 2006|10:49pm] Life is great. The past few days have been so amazing. I'm finally very satisfied with my life again. In other news: www.myspace.com/valkyrienoise It's very rough, but it's the basic idea. We're re-recording with good equipment at James' parents house this weekend sometime. We'll probably record some other songs too. I can't wait for there to be vocals. We're still trying to figure out what style vocals will sound best. Word. post comment

[03 Oct 2006|10:23pm] I can't let Amelia be wrong, so I'm going ot be "predictable" and fill this out....ok I would have anyway I'll admit it. A - Available: undecided. technically yes, but I'm not sure if I'm willing to be in a relationship right now. I'm juts letting things happen as they do. - Age: 20 - Annoyance: liars/rumors, people in general, guitars that are out of tune, sluts(both lady-sluts and man-sluts)I think they're a fuckng disgrace to humanity. B - Best Friends: Cam, Al, Amelia, Haley. - Beer: is gross. Not even root beer will trip my trigga' - Birthday: June 18th C - Crush: I've never really been one to have crushes, so as of this moment I don't have one. - Car: honda civic piece of shit. - Candy: soft swedish fish ( I totally agree wiht Amelia). My senior year of high school I would eat at least 2 packs a day of them. D - Day or Night: night - Dream vehicle: I don't really give a shit about cars anymore, honestly. My dream vehicle is a car that runs and that doesn't have a car payment. - Easiest people to talk to: Cam and Haley - Eggs: what? G - Gummy Bears or Worms: worms, but only if they're the one's that are split into 2 different flavors. - Giver or Taker: I try to be a giver. H - Hair Color: dark brown - Height: 5'6 or 5'7 - Happy: very I - Ice Cream: chocolate chip cookie dough - Instrument: guitar, drums, piano, but lately my obsession has been bass since I play it in Valkyrie. I'm still trying to find members for a hardcore band wiht Amelia so I can still get my guitar fix. J - Jewelry: my plugs. Do those count? - Job: shipping, picking, packing, all that fun stuff. Hopefully someday I'll be touring playing music. K - Kids: not yet, hopefully someday...maybe. - Kickboxing or karate: I've never been into fighting or any kind of "macho" bullshit. - Kindergarten: was awesome. Mark and I fucking owned Ms. Young's kindergarten class! - Longest car ride: To Cornerstone in Illinois for a week long music festival filled wihtmost of my favorite hardcore bands. M - Milk flavor: chocolate - Most missed person/people: Dominic, Mark sometimes - Movie: I don't know. N - Number of Siblings: 1 - Number of Tattoos: 5 I guess, a couple more VERY soon. I'm so psyched. I need as many as James has, he's fucking loaded with them. Maybe that's why he's so amazing at guitar. O - One wish: I'll keep tha one to myself - One phobia: heights - One regret: not taking advantage of certain situations as much as I could have P - Pet peeves: chewing with your mouth open(I completely agree wiht Amelia), soemtimes people breathign through their mouths will piss the fuck out of me. - Part of your personality that you like: forgiveness, well sometimes. Other times it just allows me to be taken advantage of. Q - Quote: Danny- " I want a guniea pig....I mean BLING!" - Quick or slow: it depends what it is, but for most things quick...for a few slow. R - Reason to smile: Valkyrie(it's turning out so awesome), and how I recently realized how amazing my REAL friends are - Reality TV Show: flavor of love - Reason to cry: I don't have a reason to cry, it's nice. S - Song you last heard: Valkyrie's rough recording from sunday. - Season: autumn T - Time you woke up: I didn't really get to sleep last night, I stayed in Burlington. - Time Now: 10:45 - Time for bed: who knows, who cares U - Unpredictable: not really, that's something that I would love to change about myself. V - Vegetable you hate: carrots - Vegetable you love: corn and cucumbers - Vacation spot: Providence W - Worst habits: swearing, sucking at relationships, geting too attached to things, my $1000/day heroine addiction. X - X-Rays: not since my appendix exploded and almost killed me. Y - Year it is now: 2006 - Yellow: is almost always gross, but there can be exceptions Z - Zoo animal: penguins or monkeys. More penguins. - Zodiac sign: Gemini post comment

[02 Oct 2006|06:08pm] Everything and everyone sucks, end of story. Ok not everything and everyone, but alot of things and alot of people. yep. post comment

so fucking bored! [25 Sep 2006|06:57pm] SECTION 1: + Known as: Matt + Born: June 18th, 1986 + Hair color: dark brown + Eyes: greenish brown hazelish color? SECTION 2 - HAVE YOU EVER + Fallen off the bed?: Many times + Broken someone else's heart?: Yeah + Had your heart broken?: yes + Had a dream come true?: yes, it lasted for 9 months. SECTION 3 - CURRENTLY... + Wearing: Clothes + Listening to: Norma Jean + Located: at the computer + Chatting with: myself, I'm amusing. + Should REALLY be: leaving SECTION 4 - DO YOU... + Have any piercings: wordizzle + Drive: yes, poorly. + Drink: I would die of dehydration if I didn't...duh! + Have a cell phone: not at the moment, when I move I'm gettign one though. SECTION 5 - LAST PERSON YOU... + Hugged: Umm.....either Noelle or Danny...maybe Al? I can't remember! + IMed: Liz maybe? It's been a while since I've been on AIM. + Talked with on the phone: Britney + Text: Amelia SECTION 6 - PERSONAL... + What do you want to be when you grow up: I'm never going to grow up. Ok, well I would love to be a touring musician. + What comes first in your life: I don't even know anymore. Lately it's been work. + What do you usually think about before you go to bed: A certain person. SECTION 7- FAVORITE + Show: Any of the few I would watch with Amelia. That's the only time I ever watch TV. + Store: Newbury Comics probably. + Food: too may to choose from. I would say the edible kind though. + Color: Black, blue, red, some greens. SECTION 8 - DO YOU... + Like to give hugs: It depends who I'm hugging. + Like to walk in the rain: Sometimes it's fun, especially wiht someone thta means alot to you. + Prefer black or blue: blue + Sleep on your side: not really, but sometimes. + Have stuffed animals: stored somewhere I bet. SECTION 9- THIS OR THAT... + Pierced nose or tongue: nose + MTV or BET: BET, because I'm so black. + 7th Heaven or Dawsons Creek: ARE BORING! + Chocolate or flowers: Umm...... + Color or black-and-white photos: b&w probably + Stay up late or sleep in: Both of them together are amazing, why should i choose? + Hot or cold: hot + Sun or moon: moon + Left or Right: right + 10 Acquaintances or one best friend: one best friend + Spring or Fall: fall + Happy or sad: happy + Wonder or amazement: amazement SECTION 10: FIRSTS. First Screenname : dont remember First self purchased CD: haha, Tupac. Man I'm gangsta! First pet: Don't remember. First piercing/tattoo: ears for piercing, star on my elbow for tattoos. SECTION 11: LASTS. Last GOOD cry: Plead the 5th Last phone call: today Last time showered: this morning. SECTION 12: CURRENT. Current mood: pretty optimistic Current food: just the kid that I kidnapped while I was driving home. Current Annoyance: boredom, among others SECTION 13: WHO LAST... 1. Made you smile: Al 2. Saw you cry?: Amelia SECTION 14: DO YOU PREFER... 1. Do you prefer gray or black? black 2. Lust or love? Love is nice. And I'm gay, haha. 3. Sunrise or sunset? sunset, I'd rather not be awake for the sunrise. 4. M&M's or skittles? depends SECTION 15: ANSWER TRUTHFULLY... 1. Do you like anyone? yes I do 2. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yeah, I experienced it once. 3. Do you fall for the wrong guy or girl? I have before. He was hot though, so it's ok. 1 comment|post comment

[24 Sep 2006|09:04pm] I am officially in love with Providence, Rhode Island. It's such a beautiful city. This trip is officially one of the craziest things I have ever been part of. post comment

[22 Sep 2006|11:56pm] So tonight was fun overall. It started with Amelia freaking out because Holden was driving her absolutely insane. I never even heard her act like that with me, so he must have been annoyig the fuck out of her. So I met up with them at Borders, and they were a million feet apart and not talking. Which seemed so awkward. Then we went to the show,a nd Amelia ad I just ended up hanging out and skateboarding. Which i must say when we were hanging out I was happier than I have been in sooo fucking long. I felt like someone actually REALLY gave a shit about me for the first time in forever. It was amazing. There was one point where we were sitting on our skateboards and she was singing to her Plain White Tees ring tone, and I wanted to kiss her soooo fuckign badly. But I didn't, which is good, but still hard. I still love her to death, so fucking much. I still want to be wiht her for the rest of my life. Maybe with time I'll be able to get over it or something, but I doubt it. This isn't the kind of feeling you can get over, so it sucks. Becaus eI know we can be that happy and have that much fun if we were together. Maybe with time she will fall in love wiht me again and want me back, that's what I'm really hoping for...maybe it'll happen. After she left the show with Phil no one acknowledged me and I stood around looking like a retard for a long time tryign to find soemone to talk to or hang out with. I left after a while becasue I realized it wasn't going to happen. Everyone was going ot the fire thingy in the park anyway, and everyone kept talking about it around me but no one really invited me, so I would have felt awkward just showing up. I walked around for a while on church street and guess who I ran into?! The black kid that hit me in the mall! I was like "oh god, I'm going to get into a fight." He saw me and was like, "Where's your girl at? What's the matter? couldn't keep her? She was too hot for you anyway." I was just like, "whatever dude. I didn't fight you before I'm not going to now, it's not worth it." Which I'm surprised I did, but I was too down at that point anyway. But it pissed me off so bad when he brought up Amelia, and I knew beating him up wouldn't bring her back to me, so I just let it go. So I kept walking and he and his friends followed me for a while, and then gave up, which I must admit I was a bit relieved about. But then I started thinking, "what if he's right? What if she really is too good for me? Why couldn't I keep her?" So that shit is really bothering me right now. But I read a myspace bulletin from Josh saying he's bored at home sitting there alone. That mae me a little happier I must admit, but not enough. So, I'm going to Providence this weekend, and everyone keeps telling me it's going to be insane. So I'm looking forward to it. Apparently Danny is bringing a bunch of friends, so I hope they're cool, because I don't want the whole trip to be awkward. I can't wait to see Noelle though. I just want to be completely happy again. It looks like I basically am moving into that house in Burlington. It's super cool. It's pretty big too. It's really going to suck being alone there though. Sure I'll have friends there, but it's going to be hard seeing Al and Danny together every single night. It's going ot make me miss Amelia so much. I want to share this exciting time in my life wiht her, because she basically mean everything to me. Basically, things are overall looking ok, but they're bittersweet. I really miss her. I am really pumped about playing music again though. post comment

[20 Sep 2006|05:20pm] Ok, so seriously....WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!. I will not allow ANYBODY to treat her like that. No one is more important to me than her. I love her to death. I don't care who you are, but I would give you up in a heartbeat for her. She matters more to me than I matter to myself. So anybody that treats her like that and makes her feel that way needs to fucking pay for it...and you will I promise. That being said.... I can't even look at you or talk to you right now, not only becasue it will make me fucking sick to my stomach, but also for you personal safety. I'm not past hitting you, you know that. I've done it before, and you didn't even do anything nearly a bad as this when I hit you before. You were supposedly one of my best friends since high school. I've given you so much and helped you so much. I still can't believe that you would do this. Amelia has even been so fucking generous to you, yet you fucked her over worse than you fucked me over. The truth is I'm not nearly as upset about how you've betrayed me as I am about how much you've fucked her over. I've told you millions of times that she is the most important thing to me and that no one or nothing makes me feel as happy or fulfilled as she does, so why the fuck would you even try to pull this. Did you honestly think I would appreciate it?! You're a fucking wastes as a friend and a person. you've lost all sense of morality, friendship, loyalty, emotion...I could go on forever. I don't even know if you've ever had any of these. You're whole idea of what's ok and what isn't amazes me, it always has...and not in a good way. You are the type of person that ends up with NO ONE in the end..unless it's a 12 year old girl.............that still doesn't want you. You have all this talk about morals, and write lyrics about how people have slowly lost their sense of morality, but look at you! So before you try to "help" me, how about you help yourself. You're a fucking hypocrite on so many levels. You're trying to date some little teeny bopper, you talk shit about people, you stabbed your "best friend" in the back as well as the person he loves more than life itself, you fucking steal and make the worst excuses for it, you're so fucking two faced. Just thinking about you is a fucking waste. So I hope you're happy and feel like you helped the world, because it'll feel that much more fulfilling when I tear you down from that pedestal you've put yourself on. Because obviously you think you're some sort of god to be able to try to affect my life behind the scenes and hope I never found out. Seriously who the fuck do you think you are?!. I don't get why you think you're so high up now, but next time I see you I will show you just how low you really are. Out of all of this, there's one thing you said that pisses me off more than anything. When you told Amelia to "leave me alone becasue I need to find new people and she's using me". Those words basically sealed your fate more than any others that you said. No one hurts her that much and gets away wiht it. DO you honeslty think even if she did just leave me alone I would give up on her?! You know as well as anyone that I will never give up on her...I've told you that a million times. Cam has been a much closer and better friend than you ever were, and when you were trying to say he hated amelia I stopped talking to him and treated him like shit...which was a mistake. It just shows I shold have given up on you a long time ago. If he's closer to me and I was willing to just give up on him for her, you can't even imagine what I'm willing to do to you. No one hurts her, no one spreads shit about her, no one talks to her like that, no one tries to fuck her over like that without paying for it. You will pay for it. I could keep going forever, I'm so fucking pissed. But the bottom line is you're as good as dead to me. All I have to say is watch your back. You will hear from me, but you won't like what you hear. She is more important to me than anyone, and that includes a "god" like you that can try to influence other peoples lives without having any kind of control over their own. I promise you will pay. Words can't even describe how disgusted I am with you. post comment

[13 Sep 2006|11:55pm] I wish I could get longer hair instantly...or at least really fast. Pssht, this is annoying. I remember how long it took when I grew it for Amelia before. I'm taking MUCH better care of it this time around though, so hopefully it will be more successful. Amelia is the one that knows everyhtign I need ot do to get it straight, so I hope eventually she'll talk to me so she can give me all the advice and info I'll need. Plus I'd like to just talk to her. So, I'm fiishing my sleeve soon. It won't compare to Amelia's(which is coming out amazing so far!) but it needs ot be done, and all of the tattoos mean somehting to me. The star never had a significant meanign though until this past winter. Someone who means the world to me got the same thing. I hope she doesn't regret it, becasue I'm so fucking honored to share it with her. My next tattoo was going to be something I designed for Amelia, but I don't even know when or if she'll even want to talk to me, much less be with me...but I'm definitely hoping. The new Norma Jean came out yesterday. It's amazing. This fall and past summer so many amazing albums have come out or will be coming out: Unearth, Misery signals, Norma Jean, Bloodlined Calligraphy, Walls of Jericho, Saosin, He Is Legend, and so many more. It's sweet. They're all so good, at least what I've heard of them. I'm so tempted to start a new band, but I'm not going to. I don't need that added drama in my life right now, plus I need to work my ass off. I have to pee. post comment

[13 Sep 2006|09:55pm] So most of my plans fell through tonight. But this weekend should be sweet. And tomorrow night I'm jamming wiht some kids from Paul's old band Dog Days, but I'm not going to start a band, we're just going to jam. Then friday and saturday are going to be super intense, and then Sunday I'm chilling at UVM. It should be sweet. Monday I'm finally hanging out with Haley...it's about fucking time! So it looks like I'm going to Providence, Rhode Island with Al and Danny next weekend to see Noelle. Noelle was like seriously begging me last night to go with them. So it looks like I'm going to. It should be awesome. Apparently the music scene there is super intense. So I can't wait, I've never been. We might all go up to Boston that weekend too, so maybe I'll get to see Dom, Matt, Ian and Andy. That would be sweet. I'm tired. I'm going in early tomorrow....fun. And I work from 8am to 1pm on saturday. MAd money though. Lots of overtime these two weeks. Word. post comment

[12 Sep 2006|01:57pm] I wish I didn't relate this well to the lyrics of Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. It just came on again, I love the song but it's slowly heading towards my "love it but hate it list", along with straightedge, people, and last but not least women's underwear(don't ask). There are a few more things on the list too. I wish I didn't feel so dependent on someone. I was scared to allow myself to do it, and then I decided that I shouldn't be because she is amazing and I had to go all out. It hurts, because she truly has all that I am. It's all out there for her, but she's leaving it lying there. I wish she would take it. But I have to stop bothering her, I don't want her to keep feeling smothered. I wish she didn't in the first place. I wish I knew what she was waiting for before she wanted to be in a relationship(hopefully with me) again. I'm always going ot be here for her, and I'm going to keep waiting for her because I honestly love her to death, I don't want to lose her. I could never just give her up. I tell her all the time I'm always here, and I'll be waiting for her, and I mean it with everything I have. It just hurts a little more each day that I'm leaving myself out there for her and she doesn't want it. I don't try to make her feel bad when I share my feelings, I just try to let her know she is so beautiful and so special and means the whole world and more to me. Becasue when I first met her she was very self-conscious and didn't really look at herself too highly. I could never get that, how can soemone so awesome and so beautiful ever feel that way about themselves? There was this one day in December that I'll never forget. We were in the mall doing christmas shopping and she saw her reflection and looked like she wanted to cry. It killed me so much, it still kills me thinking about it. How could anyone like her feel that way. I'm sorry to say this if any other girl reads this, but there really is no other girl out there as fucking gorgeous as her, and as fun. So I promised to myself on that very day that not a day would go by that I didn't tell her how much I love her and how beautiful she is and how she is the best thing that ever happened to me. And the thing is, not only do I mean it everytime I say it, but as time has gone I've meant it more and more. I still do. I just never wanted her to feel that way again. All I want is to be with her. Whenever we're together we have so much fun and any sadness I had goes away. But at the same time I want her happy becasue she deserves the world. I told her that the other night at her house. She deserves EVERYTHING. She deserves to be so happy, and I want her to be so badly, I just wish that she felt most happy with me, becasue I never feel as happy and excited as when I 'm wiht her. I still get fuzzies in my tummy and a racing heart every time I see her or talk to her on the phone. She can't see it, but when I'm ont he phone wiht her I always have a smile that I can't get rid of. She defines true love and happiness in my book. So I will continue waiting, because she is MORE than worth it. I just don't want her to forget how much she means to me, and how I truly do find her to be so amazing and so beautiful. I just don't want to be replaced or forgotten by someone so awesome. I will always love her, I just hope I get the chance to share it wiht her again. So if you read this Amelia, you deserve the world, and I would die trying to give it to you. I'm sorry you feel smothered. I didn't want make you feel like shit, I wanted you to feel like you were the most amazing girl ever, becasue you truly are in my opinion. No one measures up to you. I was just trying to keep a promise to myself and try to make you feel good about yourself. I never wanted to see you as down about yourself as you were that day in December at the mall. You might even remember the exact day I'm talking about. So remember, if I'm leaving you alone and not tryign to smother you don't ever think I don't care or still feel this way. I'm just trying anythign I can for you to be ready to hopefully be with me. I will wait for you, please don't forget about me. I "and hearts semi-colin" you, I always will. post comment

[11 Sep 2006|06:42pm] By the way I have to say I have the best boss in the world. post comment

[11 Sep 2006|06:38pm] Ok, I may be a little cold hearted, but I'm seriously sick of hearing about september 11th and all the patriotic bullshit. Even more than that I'm sick of seeing the bulletins on my myspace. And even more than that I'm sick of seeing the bulletins about veganism. and EVEN worse than that are the vegan bulletins that say not to eat meat on september 11th because the animals are the "real victims." I hate veganism. I love meat. I hate people. I love a certain someone. ya hurd? 1 comment|post comment

[10 Sep 2006|04:06am] So I just got home. I'm fucking pissed and confused and worried beyond belief. Definitely one of the last things I needed. I don't even know what to do with myself now. And as far as people are concerned: FUCK YOU, I FUCKING HATE YOU, GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE! Ok, not all people, just certain ones. Certain ones that I don't even think I could stand to look at without getting sick to my stomach and getting fucking pissed. I'm honestly starting to believe that I really do have the worst luck ever. It's probably karma though. Things will get better someday. Until then it's easier to just be extremely pissed of rather than let things hurt me. Sure they do hurt, but I'm going to cover it up and avoid it as much as possible from now on. No one wants to listen or help or anything, so it's just easier this way. One more time...FUCK YOU! post comment

[09 Sep 2006|11:44pm] So tonight was pretty sweet. I got to talk to Erik. I haven't seen him in forever, and we used to be like best friends. That was awesome. He's living in North Carolina now and wants me to go down, but it'll be very hard to go all the way there, so it's probably not going to happen...ok it definitely won't happen. But it was awesome seeing him. I went out and hung out for a while, I just got back a little while ago, but I'm about to leave again. I don't want to be out too late though because I'm getting tired. I had to get up early today to get Al and work some overtime. We had a breakfast date before work, it was super romantic. I barely slept last night because I was having some weird anxiety attack. It's the second time I've had one and they freak me out. I'm happy, but I miss someone alot. I hope they're not upset with me. Anyways, I'm leaving now. post comment

[09 Sep 2006|01:43am] Sometimes I'm just stupid. post comment

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